Jesus or Marriage?

I tend to be a transparent guy, but that doesn't mean that there aren't issues that I'm still sensitive about. I'm insecure (as you'll find most public communicators are, to some degree), and I worry a lot not so much about how I'm perceived by the world, but how I'm perceived by those who I really care about. That means my family, obviously, but it also means those that hear me teach.

For example, there's no group outside my immediate family and a few very close friends that I'm more burdened about right now than the early attendees to "Sparks Fly." I pray for the class individually, by name, every day. And I'm weighed down, completely committed to, their spiritual growth. That's not me boasting; believe me, there are mornings where I'd rather not have the weight, the pressure (at times) of caring for these people. They wake me up at night, and when I think a lesson is "good enough," they nag at me to not settle; to spend another hour or two preparing and tweaking; to make another phone call or write another e-mail.

Because of my concern for these folks, I'm not very transparent about my preparation. I'm not very transparent about how I struggle to know if what I'm teaching is what God wants. I'm not very transparent in the plain simple fact that I'm very much learning as I go here. I've taught for nearly 15 years in churches, but it's only in the last few months that I feel I'm truly devoted to Jesus, rather than my ability to teach.

Given all that, I'm going to try and go against my natural tendencies, and tell you about the intense conviction I've come under this week. I believe this conviction to be totally of God my Father... and it's giving me fits.

Let me lay it out, really simply: are we ... no, make that AM I ... teaching Jesus Christ, or am I teaching the benefits of Jesus Christ? Am I making my singular focus, and the singular focus of everything I teach, Jesus Christ and His Cross, and His Gospel? Or am I instead "communicating" well, but emphasizing the benefits of following Christ, rather than the actual following?

You see, if I'm teaching the benefits of Christ, then I'm teaching people to make idols of a good marriage, or of a good community, or of a good Sunday School, or of financial freedom, or of a moralistic life. And in the last few days, I have become convinced of God: this is unacceptable.

It is no longer acceptable for me, or for you, to teach or believe that the abundant life is the POINT of why Jesus came. It is no longer acceptable to teach or believe that a good marriage, or financial responsibility, or a class that is made up of other people you enjoy hanging out with, has ANYTHING to do with Jesus Christ. Sure, those things MAY come from following Jesus, but they are never even remotely guaranteed. They are never intimated by Jesus; rather, a horribly painful death to sin is expressly explained. Jesus is the point. Jesus is not just the answer; He's the question. He's the reason, He's the one-point of every lesson, He's the focus of every sermon, and if He is not, we are worshipping an idol.

It simply does not matter if the idol is a good Biblical idol, like a great marriage or a wonderful relationship with your kids or moral living. Those things are still idols, if they are at all the focus instead of Jesus Christ.

Now, consider this conviction, this grand realization, in the context of where I am: 2 weeks into a growing, successful class on marriage. We have more than 10 couples already committed to the class, with several more indicating interest. We're discussing the possibility of another section at another time to serve other young adult couples. We have engaged couples coming to the class, and telling their engaged friends that this is Biblical marriage counseling. We've already grown out of our first room, and I believe we may be just weeks away from growing out of yet another room. The entire staff is actively inquiring about the class, we're in the church newsletter, we're in the church videos, we're all over Facebook and will be prominent on the new website...

...and it's here, in this place, that God is staring me down, saying, "What are you teaching? Are you teaching about me? Or are you teaching about the benefits of a life committed to me? Is your class about Jesus Christ, or marriage? Because it cannot be about both. One may follow the other, but which will you teach?"

I've been totally wrecked by this over the past few days. It's kept me up, and caused me to totally rewrite this week's lesson. I feel a greater weight than ever now, not because of the young married and soon-to-be-married couples, but for Jesus Christ who died so that idiots like me could err on the side of what amount to Christian fringe benefits instead of Christ Himself crucified.

So I'm letting you all see me and my ugliness and frustration. And I'm committing to each of you that this Sunday, Jesus will be magnified more explicitly than ever before. While we are certainly working within the context of marriage, and I believe that our Father God has much to say about marriage, He says all these things in the context of His son Jesus Christ.

I will make much of Jesus Christ, and I admit my selfish concern that this will change the course of this class. I admit my selfish concern that we may be back in that first week's small cramped room, three or four people around a table. But I also admit my selfish concern that perhaps God will choose to bless this sacrifice on all our parts. Because make no mistake: it is a sacrifice, in man's view, to leave the benefits and focus on the source. It is a sacrifice to love a Christ that does NOT promise us a peaceful marriage; that does NOT promise we can resolve things peaceably with fellow man; that does NOT promise us that He is ever "okay" with focusing on anything other than Him.

Christ has been crucified, and we must therefore preach Christ. He did not die for the church so that we could understand how to love our wives; we love our wives that we might better be able to understand His love for us. He did not model marriage so that we could improve our marriages; we improve our marriages as a result of loving Him far more than our spouse.

Jesus died for us. He did it because He loves us, not our marriages. Not our commitments, or our talents, or any inherent worth, in fact. He died for you. He died for me. This is the gospel of Jesus.

This Sunday, we will enter into a room that may be empty or full, and that may empty or fill as we teach. But we will teach Jesus Christ, because I am terrified of a room that I have told to focus on the things of God, rather than God Himself. I pray that you will also become completely engulfed and enflamed by a love for Jesus, more than your love for your spouse, or your children, or your marriage.

Come and worship with me. Come, and lay aside your desire for a wonderful marriage. Lay aside your desire for saved children. Lay aside your desire for meaning through intimacy or relationship. Put these things down, and gaze on the Savior of you and me. Allow Jesus to sift through your desires and reward you with what He will; allow Him to break you open, and put you back together.

Come meet Jesus Christ with me.