And, like many things in my life, God actually teaches me as I verbalize what I'm wanting and hoping and longing for in my prayers. For instance, early on in the life of this class (8 weeks is a long time for me, it seems), I prayed a lot for numbers. I prayed each week for a specific number of people. And while God gave us over and above what I'd prayed for that opening week, He had never answered my specific numerical prayers since that first week. Then, a friend and leader in the class challenged me: "Man, stop worrying about the numbers. Worry about depth, and let God bring who He brings." This really broke me, and I realized that I was caring more about bodies than people. Not good... and since I've begun to pray about the people we have, it seems as if God has been bringing us more people.
Lately, then, I've been praying about people. And I've gotten to know some of the people in our class. Specifically, I'm starting to see some "trends" in the people we're attracting. In a word, they're broken. I mean, these are hurting people. People that don't like themselves; people that are in sin and struggling with sin; people that don't feel comfortable at church; people that want to be loved even more than they want to love; people that want community and not just events; people that want someone to struggle alongside them, and call them on their sin.
These are broken people.
I've always believed that we as humans tend to gravitate to other people like us. In Baptist churches, especially big ones, it's easy to want everyone to be the same: we tend to hide our real selves, and look for other people that will let us do that.
But here, in Sparks Fly, I'm still finding it to be true: we attract what we are. I've become so broken these last few years. God has humbled me and humiliated me, and made me realize who I am apart from Him, and who I am in Him. I can echo Paul, and say, "O wretched man that I am! Who can deliver me from this body of death?" Only Jesus.
But here's what's cool: as I've become Scriptural about who I am, and I've been open about my struggles and brokenness, God has brought us people that are the same. We're seeing people that are tired of the perfect images and contrite words showing up... and they come back. We've got people that say, "I don't feel loved. But I love coming here." We're seeing life change and marriage change... and we're just getting started!
Last week, at lesson's end, I confessed some tough struggles I have. I don't do community well. I long to hide my junk. I can teach easily, but I have to constantly repent of my selfishness and arrogance. And though confession in a public forum like a Sunday School class isn't exactly the norm, people seemed to respond.
Look, I'm not saying everyone came forward and wrote all their sins on cardboard and held them up for everyone else to see. What I am saying is that people keep coming. And we're hearing that they, too, are broken; that they, too, want to struggle, and live in community, and worship as broken people loving a perfect God.
So Lord, bring us the broken. If you're looking for Biblical Christianity clothed in flesh, come. If you're intent on lots of social events, on face-value relationships, on surface-level theology, you may not be comfortable. But come and be challenged. If you desire community that goes deeper than activity, come. If you just want to be encouraged, you will be pushed. But come anyway.
If you're broken -- and we all are -- then we're praying for you. See you Sunday.
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